What's in a name?

If onomaphile is a word, I am one. Thinking about names is part of my everyday life. But the thinking about names that I've been doing for a while is much less fun than considering what despicable or lovely names people give their children.

I have pretty much decided that when I get married I'll change my name to Allison Margaret Boehm Lehman, with Boehm as a second middle name. I'll introduce myself socially as Allison Boehm Lehman and professionally as Allison Lehman. It will be fine with me if people continue to call me Allison Boehm. But I know that people will drop the Boehm because it will not be attached by hyphen to the Lehman, and I am trying to come to terms with being Allison Lehman because of that.

The problem is that, ideally, I would be Allison Boehm-Lehman. I prefer when women hyphenate their names. The shared last name is practical because it indicates a familial connection to a spouse and children if there are any, but the birth surname being part of a woman's married name also means she rejected the idea that she should give up her established identity and be absorbed by her husband's. (I am happy when couples reject the traditional naming system, too, but most don't--but I do feel that children should be given only one last name or it can turn into a nightmare later). So hyphenation is a feminist issue to me, and I feel like I am a bad feminist for not hyphenating since that is what I actually want to do.

So why don't I hyphenate? For one, Boehm-Lehman is really singsongy and I don't like the sound of it, and I want the option of not having to use it (although I plan to use Boehm Lehman anyway). As a physician, new patients will be more likely to choose me out of a directory if they can pronounce my name, and Boehm is impossible for people to pronounce or spell while Lehman is not difficult.

Also, I do like Lehman. Boehm does not indicate that I am culturally Mennonite to those who find that significant; Lehman does. The mispronunciations of Boehm are boundless; there are limits on the ways you can screw up Lehman. I am not close to the Boehm side of my family, and I adore the Lehman family, am excited to be marrying into it, and feel a part of it already.

But I am Allison Boehm. Many of my friends prefer to call me by my last name only. I like the way it looks in print and in my signature. I have been feeling a sense of loss when I type or sign my name, knowing that in less than five months it will no longer be the same. I get upset when friends change their Facebook pages to a new name when they get married--even though that has nothing to do with me! It is just really hard for me to come to terms with this change. I am okay with being known as Allison Boehm Lehman, but Boehm will inevitably be dropped, and I really don't want to be known socially as just Allison Lehman. It is like 22 years of my identity--all the things I did under the name Allison Boehm--will just be gone.